Single Parent Adoption: The Challenges and Rewards . . .

Single adults seeking to adopt has become much more commonplace over the past two

decades. This change is reflective of evolving societal attitudes, along with increasing support for single parents (women in particular) from a variety of sources. Many women—particularly in their thirties and forties—who have never married or who have divorced are seeking to build a family via adoption. A minority of these women already have biological children, but the majority do not. Along with domestic adoption via individual states and their public and private agencies, there are still some foreign countries who permit single adults from the U.S. to adopt. Single parent adoption has its advantages as well as its challenges. I’ll share some of each:

CHALLENGES:

• Maintaining your village of support. Single parenting in itself is super-challenging. You don’t have a co-parent to tag-team with. As a single adoptive parent you will need to be intentional in surrounding yourself with a trusted village of support that involves immediate & extended family members, church friends and other close friends, whom you can be “real” with. If you are a single female adopting, it is critical for your child to have a strong and trusted adult male role model for them (family member or close friend) who can spend time with your child. Vice-versa if you are a single male adopting.

  
  

• You will also have to be intentional about self-care. Self-care doesn’t just happen—as a matter of fact, as a single parent you can find yourself hitting the burnout wall much quicker than you expect. It sneaks up on you. Therefore, focus intentionally on healthy diet, adequate sleep (as best you can), physical exercise (you don’t need to join a gym—getting outside and walking for 30 minutes is beneficial); and maintaining spiritual disciplines. Recruit a trusted friend to give you at least a few hours of periodic respite in order to keep your “batteries charged.”

• The adoption process can be complicated, filled with background checks and seemingly unending forms, legal requirements. This can be additionally stressful for a single parent, leading you to ask “Why do I need to do all of this to prove that I’m a fit parent?” Yes, it can be a frustrating and prolonged process, but you have to settle in your mind that “it is what it is” and keep pushing forward. Seek input and advice from veteran adoptive parents and a trusted adoption attorney as you proceed.

ADVANTAGES:

• Single adoptive parents are often skilled at making one-on-one quality time with their children a priority. This leads to deep connection, which in turn, can lead to healthy attachment and bonding.

• Single parents may have more flexibility in making parenting decisions and plans without the need to compromise and negotiate schedules and commitments with

spouse.

• Historically, single adoptive parents tend to be more intentional in developing strong networks of support via their immediate and extended families, churches, friends and community-based resources.

A final thought: My opinion as a Parent Coach and a married adoptive parent for the past 30-plus years? I personally know of several single female adoptive Moms. They do a stellar job in their role. However, I believe that generally, the most effective model in the long run is a dad & mother team. A two-parent father & mother team often brings more resources to the experience of adoptive parenting. Your thoughts?